Her Presence Still Felt
by CarlyB
Summary: Four months after Buffy's death, Angel still feels her. Angsty. Totally B/A
1. Chapter 1: Gone

Title: Her Presence Still Felt  
  
Summary: Months after her death Angel can still feel Buffy B/A  
  
Disclaimer: Buffy, Angel etc are not mine, don't own any of them. If I did Buffy and Angel would still be together. P.S. Joss is evil!!!!!  
  
This is how the reunion should have gone.  
  
Gunn was on the counter of the hotel, trying to get any semblance of order into their files. Ever since they had returned from Pylea and found Willow in the foyer, life had been hell. Cordelia was shaken and upset. Wesley more shocked then anything. He had told Gunn later that even though he knew it to be untrue, he had thought the slayer to be invincible. That was how she had seemed to him. Fred had no idea what was going on. She had only been in their company for a short time, barely knowing any of them let alone comprehending the phenomenon that was Buffy and Angel.  
  
"It's Buffy."  
  
That single phrase had shattered the little world that Gunn had built for himself, a surrogate family and a new life. It was all in shambles.  
  
When they walked through that door and Angel saw Willow, he knew. He knew straight away that she was gone. The little I had ever heard about "Tornado Buffy", as Cordelia had often called her, I never truly understood their connection. But at that moment it was written all over Angel's face. The man was in serious pain.  
  
Three months later and nothing was as it had been, Angel was in deep brood mode. He hadn't left his room from that day to this. No one could coax him out. It had been a war to get him to eat. Cordelia, Wesley, Lorne, no one could get through to him. Lorne had arrived this morning and was trying yet again. No one held out much hope.  
  
So here he was sifting through files, getting more and more frustrated by the second. Cordelia had a filing system was in a league of it's own, a league that only Cordelia could possibly comprehend. With Angel well and truly out of action, they had had no clients since Pylea and no clients meant no money and no money meant no food and pretty soon, no hotel.  
  
"Gunn?" a timid voice came from under the desk.  
  
"Yeah, Fred?" Gunn replied.  
  
"Do you need. I mean.. can I ..ah .help?" she asked.  
  
Gunn turned and knelt to Fred's level under the desk. "I would love some help, girl. Now get your gorgeous self out from under that desk!" he said offering his hand.  
  
Fred beamed her 1000 watt smile that rarely saw the light of day, took Gunn's hand and for the first time, ventured out from under her safety blanket.  
  
"What can I do?" she asked in a shy almost whisper.  
  
"How about you try to sought this lot out?" he said sliding a bundle of files down the counter towards her. "Think you can handle that?"  
  
"Well it's not quantum mechanics but I can try." Fred said beaming that smile again.  
  
Gunn smiled back. He wasn't sure but he had this nagging little feeling that that smile was gonna be a problem for him not too far into the future.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
/Ain't no sunshine when she's gone only darkness everyday/  
  
Lorne gently knocked on Angel's door, pushing it open as he went. "Angel- cakes? Still undead in here?" The room was pitch black. Nothing unusual there. Lorne could just make out a bundle of blankets contorted on the bed. "I'm not complaining about the dark, nothing new there but Honey, you gotta do something about this smell!"  
  
/ain't no sunshine when she's gone this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away/  
  
A voiced came from the blankets. "Go away Lorne."  
  
"Well, Sweetie, I'd like to and I will but not quite yet. First we're going to have a little chat. Demon to blankets."  
  
"Leave, Lorne." Angel growled, sitting up suddenly "Or I'll."  
  
"Or you'll what? Stink me too death? Gotta say, it's already working. You seriously need to get out of this flunk and leave this room. And burn those blankets. Ugh!"  
  
/Ain't no sunshine when she's gone Only darkness everyday/  
  
"Lorne, you don't understand..."  
  
"No. You know what I don't understand is why you are still in this room. Do you think that that little slayer of yours would have wanted this for you? Do you think that when she sacrificed her life for her sister and the world, that she thought this was how you would remember her? By virtually killing yourself? This is not how to remember her."  
  
/ain't no sunshine when she's gone it's not warm when she's away/  
  
"You don't have a clue, do you? How much she meant to me. How much she changed my life forever. How much I feel like I can't even move now that she's gone."  
  
"This is not the way to honour her and what she did for your life. Don't you think that she would of felt just a little bit easier leaving this world, knowing that you were here to protect it for her?"  
  
/ain't no sunshine when she's gone and she's always gone too long any time she goes away/  
  
"I don't know. I just can't comprehend the fact that she is gone. I can't accept it. She was so full of life and vibrancy. She was my sunshine, my life for so long. I can still feel her presence, just like I always could, even miles away. Right now I could swear that she is here in the hotel."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Gunn and Fred hadn't been at the filing for long when they heard a sound they hadn't heard for a long time, the front door bell. A client! And God was this a beautiful one. Even if this hadn't been the first customer in four months, Gunn thought he would had fallen all over himself to get to her anyway. She was tiny with hair of spun gold, glistening in the sun.  
  
With Gunn standing there with his tongue hanging out of his head, Fred did something she never thought she'd do. "Welcome to Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless. How can we help you?"  
  
Gunn turned to Fred even more bewildered then before. Did Fred just say that to a stranger?! Where did she even hear it?  
  
The potential client didn't seem to notice this. "I'm here to see Angel."  
  
Gunn returned to his senses at this point. "I'm sorry but Angel is unavailable at the moment. Can my colleagues and I perhaps help you?"  
  
"I'm not a client. This is a personal visit. I'm here to see Angel. Where is he?" The blonde had seemed reserved when she first arrived but was get more determined by the minute.  
  
"I'm sorry," Gunn repeated "but Angel has just recently lost someone very close to him and can't see anyone at the moment."  
  
"I know. He'll want to see me."  
  
"Look, I don't know what your relationship is to Angel but he won't see you. He won't see anyone."  
  
The blonde turned and started towards the stairs. "I know he's upstairs. If you won't tell me which room he's in I'll just have to start searching."  
  
Gunn raced from behind the counter, Fred a few metres behind, and positioned himself between the blonde and the stairs.  
  
"Look, Lady! I don't know who the hell you think you are but you are NOT going to go up stairs and upset him even more!" Gunn practically yelled.  
  
"Move!"  
  
"Okay, okay." Fred said trying to keep the peace. "Can't we find some other solution? Isn't there anyone else here that can help you?"  
  
The blonde seemed to calm down a bit. "Fine. Get Cordelia. Where is she?"  
  
"Cordelia's up stairs. I'LL go and get her." Fred said when Gunn started to make another move towards the stairs. "Be nice."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Cordelia?"  
  
Cordelia had followed Lorne to Angel's room and was standing in the hall. She was so concerned for her friend that she had bullied Lorne into trying to get through to Angel again. Everyone had tried but it seemed that Lorne was finally getting somewhere.  
  
"Cordelia?" Fred asked again.  
  
Jolted out of her thoughts, Cordelia ushered Fred away from the doorway. "SHHH!!!!! Fred! Angel'll hear!"  
  
"Sorry. There is a girl downstairs demanding to see Angel. She won't take no for an answer but she'll talk to you." Fred explained.  
  
"God! Can nothing be done without me in this place! Come on, we'll see what this chick wants." Cordelia complained, lead Fred down the stairs. "I mean, can't Gunn take care of this himself?! It's not like she's." Cordelia faltered when she reached the top of the stairs and caught sight of the blonde arguing with gunn at the bottom. ". a slayer. Ohh my God." Cordelia fell to the floor, her hand covering her mouth.  
  
"Cordelia? What's wrong? Is it a vision?"  
  
"Go get Angel Fred!"  
  
"But."  
  
"I don't care, just get him!" Cordelia hissed.  
  
Fred ran.  
  
"Angel! Angel!" Fred practically screamed when she got to his room.  
  
Both vampire and demon looked up. "Fred?!"  
  
"Cordelia. *gasp*.. collapsed..*gasp* ... at the top of the stairs!*gasp*"  
  
Angel shed his blankets and for the first time in four months, left his room. Angel bolted to the stairs and grabbed Cordelia who was still sitting there, in the same position with her hand over her mouth and a look of shock on her face.  
  
"Cordelia, what's wrong? Are you hurt, was it a vision?"  
  
"Angel. Angel! Look" Cordelia interrupted pointing to the bottom of the stairs. Angel stopped and turned. His entire body was still, no breath, no voice not a heartbeat. His face mirroring Cordelia's shock.  
  
Suddenly he moved like a blur, running and vaulting over the railing, landing two floors down with the grace of a cat.  
  
The blonde turned sensing the movement as Angle moved towards her.  
  
'Angel man." Gunn stopped speaking when Angel strode forward grasped the blonde by the shoulders and passionately and furiously kissed her. He pulled away and looked at her.  
  
"Buffy." 


	2. Chapter 2: Hi

Chapter 2: Hi Title: Her Presence Still Felt  
  
Summary: Months after her death Angel can still feel Buffy B/A  
  
Disclaimer: Buffy, Angel etc are not mine, don't own any of them. If I did Buffy and Angel would still be together. P.S. Joss is evil!!!!!  
  
Author's Note: Sorry for the delay between chapters and this is a really short one too. Exams, Christmas, holidays away, you pick your favourite excuse, their all true.  
  
Previously Angel strode forward grasped the blonde by the shoulders and passionately and furiously kissed her. He pulled away and looked at her.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hi" Buffy replied timidly looking up into Angel's face.  
  
Angel grabbed Buffy again into a bear hug like he was afraid she would evaporate. "How. why.what.. How?"  
  
"Buffy?" Fred repeated not understanding what was going on before her.  
  
"It's probably a long and complicated story Angel. One which I'm sure Buffy would tell you if you let her breathe." Cordelia, Fred and Lorne had moved down the stairs to stand by Gunn, who still had a stunned look on his face, a look that mirrored the stunned look on Fred's face. Lorne and Cordelia were just grinning from ear to ear. Cordelia had tears in her eyes.  
  
Angel loosened his grip on Buffy but still held her firmly in his arms. "I will never let you go again. Never!" he whispered into her hair.  
  
Buffy gently pulled back in Angel's arms, struggling a bit against his vice like grip. "I am not going anywhere. Not for a long time. Let's go some where and we'll talk, okay?"  
  
Angel nodded and slowly released her from his arms. As Buffy and Angel moved their way towards the stairs, Wesley walked out of the office, head down focused on the book her was carrying. "Gunn, I found that reference to the.." Buffy stopped and Wesley walked straight into her.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry my dear, I wasn't." Wesley started to apologise and stopped dead when he looked up. "Oh my God!"  
  
"Hey." Buffy said with a small little sad smile.  
  
"Oh my God!" Wesley repeated and fainted dead away.  
  
"Not quite the response she was looking for, I'm sure." Cordy said as Gunn and Fred ran forward to check on the man on the floor. "We'll look after him, you two go and talk." She stopped as she touched Buffy on the arm. Cordy was flooded with images of Buffy happy, of Buffy with her mother in a peaceful, serene place.  
  
"Thanks Cordy" Angel said leading Buffy up the stairs not noticing Cordy's shocked face. Cordy's eyes followed them up the stairs until they were out of sight. What was that? Cordy, Willow everyone had assumed Buffy had been in a hell dimension. What if she'd been in Heaven?!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	3. Chapter 3: I Wish I Never Saw The Sunshi...

Chapter 3: I Wish I Never Saw The Sunshine  
  
Title: Her Presence Still Felt  
  
Summary: Months after her death Angel can still feel Buffy B/A  
  
Disclaimer: Buffy, Angel etc are not mine, don't own any of them. If I did Buffy and Angel would still be together. P.S. Joss is evil!!!!!  
  
Author's Note: This is going to be the last chapter for a while. I am going away for three weeks and won't have access to a computer or the net. Sorry. Have a Merry Christmas.  
  
Previously Cordy's eyes followed them up the stairs until they were out of sight. What was that? Cordy, Willow everyone had assumed Buffy had been held in a hell dimension. What if she'd been in Heaven?  
  
All the A.I. Team were gathered downstairs in the hotel foyer. Minus one Angel. Angel had been upstairs with Buffy now going on to four hours. Everyone was concerned. Most of all Cordelia but for a truly different reason. "They should have been down by now. Nothing takes this long to talk out, not even being brought back from the dead." Cordelia stated.  
  
"Cordelia, they have been separated for a long time, one of them has just come back from hell. Surely you don't believe that a quick chat would cover what needs to be said between them?" Wesley queried her.  
  
"They did look kinda into each other. I know I heard the story of the Angel and Buffy saga but someone forgot to mention the chemistry between those two. Man! Do they sizzle or what!" Gunn ranted.  
  
"I didn't even need a hum from either of those two to get a reading. When they touched, I virtually had to cover my eyes. Please tell me again why those two are not together because they complete each other so perfectly. Buffy fills a hole in Angel's soul that's been there since I met him. It was filled as soon as she was in the room." Lorne exclaimed.  
  
They were all so worried about Angel that they didn't see that he had walked up behind them. "Guys. Guys!" Angel yelled. They all stopped and turned to look at him. Then started firing a million questions at him. "Stop!" he ordered. "Buffy has been through a lot. She came to see me to let me know she was back and she'll be leaving again in the morning. No she won't be staying with me," he said looking directly at Cordelia who already had her mouth open to complain." I have given her the room next to mine and I would appreciate it if everyone didn't rush to meet her. She is resting now and I don't want her disturbed. Ok?! Ok." Angel finished and ran his hands through his hair.  
  
"I want to see her. She was my friend too you know, well kinda. You don't get a monopoly on her just because she's your ex." Cordelia spoke up.  
  
"Yes I would greatly like to see how she is. She was my charge at one stage and I still feel a certain kind of responsibility towards her." Wesley added.  
  
"Okay you can see her in a little while. One at a time! Okay?" Angel relented just in time to see Cordelia already on her way up the stairs. "Cordelia! Cordy!!" Angel yelled after her. "Be gentle!" he yelled "Please." He whispered after she had left his sight.  
  
/I wish I never saw the sunshine I wish I never saw the sunshine I wish I never saw the sun shining/  
  
"You're lying."  
  
Buffy turned around to find a half concerned, half furious Cordelia. "What.. what are you talking about? Who am I lying to Cordelia?"  
  
"To him, to everyone. You weren't in hell. You were in Heaven." Cordelia half yelled. "What are you talking about?! Of course I was in Hell! How dare you accuse me of .."  
  
"Doing exactly what you are doing?" Cordelia cut Buffy off. "I saw you Buffy, I saw you in a place where you were happy and safe and loved. That certainly wasn't hell." Buffy gave up and sat on the edge of the bed, a defeated look on her face.  
  
"What was I supposed to do Cordelia? Huh?! Say gee thanks guys for bringing me back from the dead. And Oh by the way I wasn't in hell being eternally tormented, I was in heaven and deliriously happy and you ripped me away from that? Should I have told them that Cordy? Should I have told Dawn that I miss it, that I wish I was there again. Do you think that was the right thing to say to my fifteen year old sister? Well? Tell me what you would have done in my place, Miss Seer." Buffy demanded an answer. "Would you have broken all their hearts and made them feel guilty for the rest of their lives? Well?"  
  
Cordy spluttered and didn't answer. "I . "  
  
/ I wish I never saw the sunshine I wish I never saw the sunshine And if I never saw the sunshine baby Then maybe I wouldn't mind the rain/  
  
"I was happy Cordy, before they pulled me out. I was safe, no more violence, no more fear, no more pain. I was loved and cherished, my Mother was there and no one would ever leave me. And suddenly I was alive again. I was in my coffin not able to breathe 'cause all the air had long left. I had to claw my way out of my grave and into a world where everything was so violent and loud and painful. I thought I was in hell." Buffy paused and looked up at Cordelia who was standing there staring at her in shock. "You know one of the first things I did when I got out of my grave? I went back to the tower, I was going to jump again and go back. It was the only way I thought to make the pain end. Dawn was there though, she stopped me. barely." Buffy paused "You can't tell anyone this Cordelia. They can't know. None of them can ever be told. It would just make things a lot worse. Please! Don't tell anyone, not even Angel."  
  
Cordelia wiped silent tears of her cheeks, nodded once and hugged Buffy for al she was worth. If no one else could be told she was as sure as hell not going to let Buffy go through this alone.  
  
/I wish I never saw the sunshine And if I never saw the sun shining Then maybe I wouldn't mind the rain Oh be in all this pain I wouldn't mind the rain/ 


End file.
